Where I'm At

After nearly five months of relentless searching, my husband and I finally found the apartment we knew was meant for us. We knew it the moment we opened the door. The process of obtaining a co-op in New York City is excruciating, and it took over a month for us to complete it. The 14 page application, 8 letters of reference, credit checks, tax returns, bank statements, a meeting before the board, and even an inspection of my husband's current residence. The stress of it all took a heavy toll, but we kept our faith throughout the process: this place is ours, and we have God's favor.

The moving company was scheduled to come in 8 days. Then we found out that our application was denied. No reason was given.

I think "stunned" is the word that best sums up our initial reaction. We knew, we just KNEW, in our heart of hearts that the apartment was ours. And then...it wasn't. What now?

I was waiting to post here on the devotionals site until after things were settled down. I wanted to share with you the amazing story of how God had shown us the perfect apartment in New York, and found us renters for the condo in Florida, and how I transitioned seamlessly to my new life. And yet, here it is nearly May (3 months after I quit my teaching job), and none of those things have quite come to pass.

Apparently, that's not the story I'm meant to tell. We don't have the 'happily ever after' yet. But here's what I do have...and I suspect this is what I should have been sharing with you all along:

The satisfaction of doing the work God has called me to do. I've posted more information about my educational consulting jobs here on my other blog, but the most important detail is that I love my work and I know I'm making a difference. It's satisfying and challenging and fulfilling and I can't believe this is really what I do for a living now. Though it requires flying back and forth to New York, quite honestly, I've been doing that for years in order to see my husband, and I'm thankful that I no longer have a full-time job in Florida that's continually pulling me away from him. We are together most of the time, and when we're not, I get to be with my best friends and family in Florida. It's the best of both worlds in a way, and it's clearly what God wants me to be doing for now, so I'm content.

A new appreciation of both my husband and the spiritual growth I've made through our relationship. Curtis is the person you want in your corner during tough times, the one who sees the big picture and is unwavering in his belief in God's faithfulness and provision. That side of him has been profoundly evident over the last few months...and it was even more amazing to see how he's helped me become that person, too. After the apartment debacle, I was not the blubbering mess I once would have been, requiring his encouragement while I played the self-pitying "Why, God, why?" card. This was our first major blow as a married couple, and it truly made our bond stronger. We came together on the same level spiritually to support one another, and that was POWERFUL.

A deeper understanding of the character of God and faith in His ways. We've spent hours talking about who God is and what He's done for us, reflecting on how He has always provided, and sharing the lessons He's taught us in the meanwhile. The catalyst for those conversations was something the enemy meant for our harm, but the resulting spiritual growth is irreplaceable. There is nothing, NOTHING, no material possession in the world that could replace the fullness of knowing God...not for a moment would I trade that apartment for the deeper relationship I have with Jesus. I truly count it all as loss compared to knowing Him.

A feeling of peace that I can only describe as supernatural. I know that I'm following God's plan for my life. I'm committed to serving Him, and I trust Him completely. My soul is at rest.

Sometimes it's more encouraging to hear from other Christians who are IN the fire and storm, rather than just those who have come out on the other side. So if any of you are waiting to see what God has in store--trusting Him to give you a spouse, or a child, or a home, or a job--please know you are in good company. The tough times are always the opportunity for the most growth spiritually, and if you can connect with the Lord in the middle of it all, the rewards are beyond description. I'm not sure that I can yet count it ALL joy like Paul did, but I'm closer to that understanding than I've ever been.

Thank you all for your unwavering prayers. I'm going to continue posting teacher devotionals, now that I've broken my little streak of writer's block. And in God's perfect timing, I'll post back with fantastic news on the housing/moving front. The awesome thing about serving our God is that He can change any situation around on a dime, clear out of the blue. There WILL be an upcoming post that includes the phrase "But suddenly, God...". You can count on it. :-)

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A Daily Battle

I know the type of educator I want to be. I know the type of wife I want to be, and the type of friend, and the type of citizen. I see the changes in myself: with each passing year in my walk with God, I become more like Christ and less like, well, myself.

And because of my progress, I thought if I just sought after God enough, I would finally become that Godly woman I want so desperately to be. It always surprised me when I would do well for awhile and then stumble. I’d be loving and kind for a few days, then start putting my own needs and feelings ahead of other people’s. Sometimes these periods when my agenda was more important than God’s would last for days or even weeks, other times for mere minutes, and I saw the duration of those shortcomings decrease as I matured spiritually. So when I messed up, I concluded that I must not have really internalized God’s Word, and needed to become more mature in my faith. I figured if I did more studying, more praying, and listened to more sermons, I could finally be a woman who is consistently led by the Spirit.

All of that thinking changed recently when my pastor preached on Exodus 17. It’s the story of the Israelites battling the Amalekites:

Moses said to Joshua, “Choose us some men and go out, fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in my hand.” So Joshua did as Moses said to him, and fought with Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands became heavy; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. So Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword...And Moses built an altar and called its name, The-Lord-Is-My-Banner [Jehovah Nissi]...”

I always thought this was a strange story. If God’s in control, what difference did it make whether Moses had his arms up or his hands in his pockets?

That day in church, the Lord spoke straight to my heart and my struggle: the position of our hands MATTERS, because we need to have them continually outstretched to God. The moment we stop reaching up for His protection and covering, we start losing the battle.

Moses couldn’t just lift his arms up once: he had to keep them up. It was a moment-by-moment decision to rely on God. And it was exhausting. But the Lord had a provision: He placed Godly people around Moses to help keep his hands lifted high and support him when he was too weak on his own.

And Moses wasn’t standing throughout the battle: he was resting on the rock. He had a firm foundation from which he could draw strength. Throughout the Bible, being seated represents being in a place of rest: Moses wasn’t struggling for victory, he was seated from a place of victory. The battle was already won; he simply needed to keep reaching out for God and ensure His banner was lifted high.

It sounds so obvious to say that Christianity is a daily battle. But until that moment, I never truly comprehended that I won’t ever become a Christ-like woman once and for all, nor is that what God expects of me.

My job is just to reach out for Him every moment of every day. If I am impatient or disrespectful, it’s not because I haven’t gotten to the point spiritually where nothing bothers me. It’s just because I got tired and let my arms down for a moment. The flesh is weak, but with support, I can put my arms right back up and still claim the victory.

God designed our walk with Him as a daily battle, because He never wants us to put our hands in our pockets. What He wants more than anything is for us to look continually to Him. And what could be more satisfying than to spend every day of our lives seated on the Rock, hands and faces upturned to our Savior, beholding His glory and marveling not at the intensity of the battle before us but at the magnificence of a battle that is already won.

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God is in the Interruptions

Ironically, I had just typed this title when my cat's litter box jammed. It's a self-cleaning type and the rake just stopped in the middle of the box and started making an alarmingly loud clacking sound that caused the cat to cower behind the dining room table and caused me to realize the devotion would have to wait. It was no easy fix, either: I just spent forty-five minutes cleaning jammed cat litter out of the rake's tracks and sweeping up the gigantic mess I made. Ewww.

Good thing I'd already made up my mind: I won't mindlessly lose my peace over every interruption.

God is in the interruptions. You've probably heard that before. *I've* heard that before. But tonight, driving home in my car and listening to a random preacher on a random radio station, I got it. I finally got it.

When things go smoothly, that's my plan. When there are interruptions that I didn't forsee or even want, that's God's plan. He willed or allowed those things to happen. To fight them is to fight His permissive will. So, getting irritated or trying not to have interruptions is missing out on the joy of being part of God's plan.

Why do little interruptions occur? As I meditate on this topic tonight, I've come to realize they accomplish one of three purposes in our lives (and the 'best' interruptions accomplish all three):

1) Interruptions allow us to bless someone else. When I'm busily typing along and my husband wants help finding his wallet, that's an opportunity to be a blessing to him. When I'm trying to get the class to line up and a child asks for help zipping her coat, that's a chance to meet her need. Each time a person interrupts our tasks, we can choose to see ourselves as the hands and feet of God and let Him use us to meet their needs. Or we can sigh and get impatient. It's totally our decision.

2) Interruptions provide unforseen opportunities and blessings for us. Having a flat tire can mean making an awesome friendship or business connection with someone else who's waiting at the repair shop. Having to dig through your files for a colleague who needs an extra copy of a form can mean rediscovering that fantastic math activity you'd forgotten and lost. And you never know, having a jammed litter box can turn out to be the perfect opening for a blog post. Practice recognizing each little win not as a coincidence, but as a blessing from God and a reward for doing the right thing with the right attitude. You'll get much more satisfaction that way.

3) Interruptions strengthen our self-discipline. That doesn't sound like fun, but truthfully, life is a whole lot easier when you have a great deal of self-control and aren't led by your feelings. Every interruption, if we choose to view it that way, is an opportunity to build our self-discipline. All moments of being tested (even trivial interruptions) produce patience, which produces endurance, maturity, completion, and perfection. If nothing else good comes from an interruption, at least we can know that working through it with a good attitude and a humble heart has planted more seeds of self-control within us which we'll be happy to reap later on.

We have so many opportunities during the day, especially as teachers, to bless other people through interruptions. We can choose to focus on our agenda that they're interrupting, or open ourselves up to God's plan which allows us to be used in ways we never imagined.

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Make Me a Servant Like Jesus

Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit; but in humility, consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.”

Be ambitious to be nothing!  At least nothing except what God designed you to be.  When you gave your life to Christ, you became a servant.  A servant goes where he is directed and does what he is commanded to do.  He takes no thought of whether he "likes" it or not; he simply obeys because it is his position.  Jesus Christ is our greatest example of a servant.  Philippians 2:6-8 tells us how Jesus, who is God, did not try to grasp being equal with God, but made himself to be nothing and became a servant in the form of a man.  He became completely submitted and obedient to God, the Father, and submitted even to death on a cross.

There is something in each of us that recoils and wants to strike back when we hear the words servant and submission.  We want to say, "I'm a King's kid!"  But when searching Scriptures we will find over and over again that those who exalt themselves will be abased and those who choose to humble themselves before God will be exalted (Matthew 23:12).  Remember, God's ways are not our ways; His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). 

As we become willing to submit our lives as living sacrifices before God, going where He leads, speaking what He directs, and doing as He asks, the light of God within us will become so evident to those around us that they will want to know what makes us different.  Why?  Because it is such an unusual way to live.  It has an appeal to those wanting out of the darkness.  Your coworkers, parents, and students have a need to see Jesus in you.  They will be drawn to the light of Christ as you shine for Him in this dark, confusing world.

DEAR GOD, MAKE ME A SERVANT--MAKE ME LIKE YOUR SON.  JESUS WAS A SERVANT, MAKE ME ONE TOO.  YOU HAVE PLACED MY STUDENTS AND THEIR PARENTS IN MY WORLD THIS YEAR FOR A REASON.  LET MY LIGHT SO SHINE BEFORE THEM THAT YOU MIGHT BE GLORIFIED.      

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